And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this? Esther 4:14 NIV
Has anyone ever sold you on something amazing only to try it out for yourself and have a totally different experience? For sooooooo long that is how I have viewed my life. I started out this life gig in a small town with a huge house next to a park, great parents and siblings, and a dog I adored. My dad was a pastor of a large church and my mom was a pretty well-known teacher and artist in the community. Everyone loved us and I loved every one.
Then, one day at church a woman pulled me aside and earnestly prayed for me and prophesied over me that I would grow up to be like Esther. She said God showed her that I would make a mark on the world bigger than myself.
Let me tell you, that certainly sounded like a plan to 8 year old me! Grow up to be a beautiful queen who saves the world? Sign me up! Yet from there things kind of went off the rails a bit….
I found out I had severe scoliosis and that I had to wear a large bulky brace for 23 hours a day for 6 years. Then my dad suffered a tragic loss of his church and we had to move 1500 miles away. My dog died. My mom died. My dad died. Lots of close and extended family members and friends began to make their exit and suddenly I looked around and remembered my Esther promise. Angrily I turned away from God, devastated He had forsaken me and convinced that my “for such a time as this” moment I was promised was all a sham.
I felt like my life was continually being burnt to the ground and over and over again and I was continually left sifting through the rubble looking for a sign that I was meant for something more than ashes.
Fast forward a few years and I can say that through a long slow process involving grace and redemption, I sit here full of peace about the path my life has taken. Yet it wasn’t until recently that I met my Esther moment face to face.
For Such a Time as This
During our move this summer everything you could imagine went wrong and I was on the verge of ashes once again. In the midst of my anger and fear God calmed my heart and gave me a vision of myself as Esther sitting in a pile of ashes.
Suddenly, at that moment I knew that I could have had my Esther moment long ago. In fact, over and over again I could have had it. Queen Esther, like me, was an orphan who saved an entire race of people by simply allowing God to use her and make her brave. All along God was calling me to step out from among the ashes of my life and into bravery. I was being called to be Christ to those around me and use my gifts for His glory–especially in the moments when everything in my own life was burning to the ground. He wanted me to allow others to see Him in me even when I couldn’t see through the flames around me.
God’s plan for me was never comprised and my Esther moment was always mine for the taking. My ashes were never meant to break me down, instead, they were meant to clothe me and make me brave, vulnerable, real, and raw all at the same time.
I know Christmas isn’t easy for a lot of us. Stress, grief and unmet expectations can burn joy into ashes in an instant.
Yet today I want you to realize that God’s plan for you is everything it was meant to be. Instead of letting your past break you, use your ashes to pave the way for your own Esther moment. It’s there and it’s waiting for you.
Email me if you need to talk about anything. I’m here.